No person can ever fulfill my heart’s desires. Never.
I aspire to do great things and be a great person. I aspire to see the twinkle in my baby daughter’s eyes, feel the warmth of my loving wife’s arms, and gather all of this world’s treasures. But none of those things will ever fulfill my deepest heart’s desires to connect with something that will never let me down.
I know these things now after several monumental failures, wherein I make connections which grow deeper with each interaction but lack discipline. Girlfriends, role models, teachers, friends, co-workers, and peers have all been recipients of my “all-in” relationship status. In the past, I’ve worked harder for the maintenance of these relationships than I ever have for myself, and while selflessness is desirable, neglecting my own health and running from discipline are what, in the end, caused me to fail in my commitments to connection. I failed again and again, and I will always find a way to fail, because that’s all I can do as a human. Failure, when it comes to commitments involving other people, are harmful to the connections made– the deeper the connection, the more harm caused.
But what is failure, when my heart’s desire cannot be measured by the standard measurements? The fulfillment of my heart’s desire to know God does not depend on anyone or anything around me. It all depends on what is within me… Without the connection I have with God every moment of my life is a failure. These moments bring no satisfaction and render no joy. They pass without notice whether “good” or “bad.” I care not, in a long-term sense, what happens to me, or what I can accomplish. My aspirations, when unrelated to God, do me no good. Realizing all of these things, I knew I had to seek God out and make commitments TO HIM in a way I’ve never done before.
I had what I’ve dubbed my “rich young ruler” moment. I came to Jesus, and asked Him, “What must I do to be saved?” (for me, it was not salvation from hell I sought, but salvation from specific certain oppressions). He told me, very distinctly, I have to give up all earthly connections, and learn to follow Him above all else- the very definition of Lordship.
Jesus is my Lord, and through Him I know the Father. There is no other way. The desire to know God deeper and deeper each day has been realized, and it is the greatest desire in my heart – bar none.
I challenge you, ask yourself-nay- ask God, “what is my greatest desire?” and “is that desire in line with Your will for me?”
John 14:19,21 – He who has my commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. and he who loves Me… I will love him and manifest myself to him.”
Don’t just desire God, do something about it. Chase Him. Love Him. Obey Him. Unspeakable bliss and intimacy await those who do.