Consumed|Baptized Pt. 2

It is my prayer to be consumed by God.

I want to look around and see nothing but him. When you look around what do you see? If you are baptized in his spirit, everywhere you look, you should see Him. You should see his love, his works, and his spirit. If your whole being is not entirely in him, then how can you know where you are? If you see him only from a distance, how can you know where He really is? If you look up from your day’s work, then you should know where he is – He will always be as near to you as you will beckon Him to be. If you want him near you, call him. He is an awesome God, and he knows you. He KNOWS you and he loves you and he wants you to be near to him. Submerge yourself entirely in everything that He is, for he cannot help you if you are not completely baptized in him.

Allow yourself to become consumed by the flame of his Holy Spirit and the courage of his Love. Cry out to him in mourning, and rejoice in victory. Boldly approach His throne from which he reigns in Love.

He will not force you into his love, nor into his presence. He invites us, and he calls us, absolutely, but it is nothing more than an invitation, a call. You have to RSVP, you have to answer the call. You have to exercise the free will that he gave you and jump into everything that He is.


You are Good | Rambling

Heads-up this is not a normal blog-I'm just rambling.

Always good. Always good, always good. From before time you are good. You are good. You do not do good. No, you are good.  Always good.

How can I expect to do anything of note without you? Again i reiterate this sentiment. Will anything I do ever be good less you? Without you what can I do? All I know is… I know what I was and I know what I am. I am your son. Remember, “who am I?” I am you beloved, I am adopted into your family, your being, your everything. I am an heir to your kingdom. Even as I work for your kingdom, I am an heir to your kingdom. I am an heir to everything you have, which is everything. Everything is… Everything. You cannot ever gather everything. Even assuming your resources were infinite, in gathering one thing you miss an opportunity to gather something else (aka opportunity cost). God has no opportunity cost, and he uses this marked advantage to get to us what we need. God is not selfish with his resources. What do you think? “God’s going to have a 3-hour blackout in heaven and pass the savings off to you?” or maybe “he’ll lay off some of the angels? UH-UH!” 

My concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God’s side, for God is always right.
– Abraham Lincoln 

Therefore, where God will go I will go. What you, Lord, wish I will also wish. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Not “address a solemn request or expression of thanks to a deity or other object of worship.” Never that kind of pray. Our God, my God, is like no other, therefore we cannot do with our God what others can do with their gods. For we will not forget who he is and what he’s done for us. The world sees and soon forgets, but we will not forget what he’s done for us. How could we ever forget who you are, because you are good. So good. 

You are my God. You are my God. You are eternal and self-existent. You have been from before time. And you have determined what will be and what will not, yet mysteriously you allow us free will and the two do not cancel each other out. You know all, and have already predetermined all. Evenstill each person has a personal responsibility to you. Each person must exercise their free will, and whether we like it or not our being is a sum of the choices we make. We are not worth the choices we make, for our worth comes from above.

Do not get the two confused, you are worth everything to God and to one who has all of God’s Love in him. God intimately knows and has studied everything about you from before time, and he LOVES you as an individual…

Just something I typed up sitting in LAX.


P.S. Happy Independence Day

Buck up, heart | Secret Place Pt. 3

When all around me is darkness, and the darkness seeks to overtake the light within me I tell my heart, “BUCK UP!” I cannot allow myself to be declined towards God. I must lift my face to Him, and as the psalmist said, “incline my heart to perform His statutes.” My heart does not default to look to God. Just like every other aspect of my being, my heart must be woken up, stretched and risen. I incline my body to get out of bed in the morning, I incline my mind to become active and quick-thinking, so also I must incline my heart to look to God for “out of the heart flows the issues of life.”

I thought I had to find a physical secret place before I could enter into a secret place, before I could connect to God, I thought I had to be in a place I had named “secret place.” How incredibly ignorant of me, because I know better than to think the secret place is anywhere except in my heart. Truly, I can say at any time to my heart, “BUCK UP!” I will sing a song of worship declaring, “I run to the throne room,” and I will incline my heart to God. Even in the midst of the darkness, I keep my light alive by inclining my heart toward God. I protect my heart by inclining it toward God. That’s not to say I will never sin, but it is to say that I will not be overtaken by my sin and come to regret the decisions I made as long as I am active in inclining my heart toward God.

I’m on a California vacation right now with some of my extended family and it’s hard not to succumb to drinking too much, and taking the Lord’s name in vain, and talking about women as if they are only objects of my sexual desire. In fact, in vacations to California before this one I had no idea how to be among my family in such a setting and not do these things. Last time I was here, roughly a year ago, it was all I could do to give in to the smoking, drinking, and other immorality, because I did not know how to find a secret place among the darkness. I was overcome by the darkness around me and I regret the things I did.

So you might ask (as I have asked myself) why did you even go with your family if they are not a good influence? Well, at most points after my last California vacation, I have rejected any time with my family because I knew that I was not strong enough or in touch enough to control myself and not regret my behavior. So, I have stayed away from parts of my family which influence me too strongly to sin, but I know I am called to influence them toward the Truth and Light. However, how can I do so when I can’t even overcome their darkness because the light in me is hardly enough to light my own path? Remember Jesus said the light within may be a greater darkness than the darkness on the outside!

So many more questions and points to make, as always, but I’ll leave you with the challenge to incline your heart to God when it is most difficult. Take any opportunity to tell your heart, “BUCK UP.”

Give me your comments, I love them!


Treasure|Deception|Blind Spots – Secret Place Pt. 2

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.

Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.


The Lord’s prayer is a template for what you ought to pray in your secret place.  Jesus set this example of the “Lord’s Prayer” in contrast to those who “pray standing in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men” (Matt. 6:5). That’s not to say we should not pray in public, on the contrary the great commission makes such an idea null. What this means is that no amount of praying in public should ever satisfy your desire to connect with God. Unless you’re getting your supply from somewhere other than God, you should not have any resources if you don’t pray in your secret place.

(I DARE you to spend 15 minutes each day doing exactly what Jesus said to do in Matt 6:7-15 for one month.)

Moving on, our hearts should not be in such a state that we crave attention from men instead of God. If you are working that your works be seen by people, then you lay up treasures on earth. Likewise, if you are praying in your secret place, and being humble in your actions, you lay up treasures in heaven. 

If you find yourself wondering where you are laying up your treasures, consider that you may have blind spots needing to be exposed. In fact, if you are not certain what your motives are in everything, you have blind spots, and need God to reveal them to you, which is the basis of an active relationship with God.

Blind spots can be the result of two things: ignorance or deception. If you are ignorant, you simply have no knowledge of the subject at hand. Ignorance is easily overcome compared to the second option; if you want to overcome ignorance, pick up the Bible, question your pastor or counsel about your ignorance, and spend time in prayer.

Deception, on the other hand, is from the devil, plain and simple, for he is the father of lies. Deception is knowing something that is false to be true. An elementary example would be if you are convinced that 2+2=5. In the state of deception, you are sold on an idea or fact that is not true. Furthermore, your position does not make that idea true – 2+2 will never equal 5. Why? Why won’t 2+2 ever equal 5? That’s right!

Jesus says “if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” (Matt 6:23).

The word “eye” here is not a simple one. It means not only the physical eye but also “showing mental qualities” and “of mental and spiritual faculties.” A most simple understanding of this verse equates the “eye” to a person’s perspective, because the eye is how we see, and is the understanding of the word I will use here. Consequently, Jesus’s warning in verse 23 is of the perception that would cause us to lay up treasures on earth. This perception is dangerous, and it is hidden from your knowledge so that “the light in you is darkness.” 

So I ask you, according to the Bible: will leaning on your own understanding ever cause God to make straight your paths? (Proverbs 4) Will thinking highly of yourself ever make you a good part of God’s body? (Romans 12) Will walking in the law ever keep you from fulfilling the lusts of the flesh? (Galatians 5). The answer to all of these, of course, is no, for the Bible clearly says otherwise. If, however, you believe other than what the Bible says in any situation, and perceive your life through that belief, you are deceived and what you perceive as light within you is “great darkness.”

If you think you may be a victim of deception, do not fret. There is always hope. Against this deception Jesus gives the following advice: do not pray, give, or fast in order to be seen by men, do not lay up treasures on Earth, and do not worry. Pray, give, and fast in secret, lay up treasures in heaven, and seek first the Kingdom of God. Likewise, If you’re not sure where you are laying up your treasures, let God reveal to you the truth. Ask the Holy spirit for he teaches all things (John 14:26). 

Remember when I said “In fact, if you are not certain what your motives are in everything, you have blind spots, and need God to reveal them to you, which is the basis of an active relationship with God.”? The motivation for my saying this comes from Matt 6:6b. “Your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open.” Here, Jesus was teaching us how to seek God and become mature in God, for the rewards which God gives us restore and build up our entire being- spirit, soul and body.  When we go to Him with supplication, that is an earnest, humble, heartfelt petition, we entirely reveal our inward nature to His inward nature. When we reveal all of who we are to God, he does the same and by doing so, shines light on our blind spots.

I love exploring the subject of the secret place, so expect more on this soon. 

Comments are appreciated.

I love you all!




Who am I?

I am part of a race, made by a divine and perfect being. I have within me the image of that creator, surely. How could a creation not somehow bare the mark of its maker?However, I  have also in me hatred, lust, pride, and every sinful thing. My thoughts are impure, my actions are selfish, and my character is full of itself. “Create in me, Oh God, a pure heart… Do not cast me away from your presence,” for though I am not deserving of you, all I am within me craves the perfection of your love and the pleasure of your countenance. God, I want to know you but
Who am I?
This question weighs on my soul, brings me to tears and withdraws every ounce of will I have as a offering unto you. Any part of who I am, surely, every part of who I am is yours. How do I truly surrender it to you, God. I must know. I must know the secret of your sanctification so I may never be apart from you. How do I know you, and how do I know
Who am I?
“I will hide your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” I will seek you, as you call unto me past the deep into the deep’s deepest deep. I want nothing more than to follow you and sit at your feet. I cannot contain the weight of who you are, but since you insist on calling unto me, what can I do? what can I say?
Who am I?
When you call, surely I must answer, and I must seek to serve you. If I do not answer, what then? If I do not answer how will I follow? “My sheep know my voice.” God, I know you and I want to know you more. Help me know you more. I want nothing more than to know you, and embrace your love and life everlasting. God, I need you. I am a slave to you and how great a master are you. Much better your love and grace than death and destruction. Evenstill,
Who am I,
that you would redeem me from the grasp of the evil one. Your revelation to me of the truth and freedom from the prison of lies is a mystery to me. How is it that you saw fit to sacrifice your all for me?
Who am I?
I am… a recipient of “the spirit of adoption, by whom I CRY ABBA.” Daddy, God, tell me your secrets. What are your plans, I want to help you. Make me a servant to your Kingdom. I choose to follow you and serve you. I want to know you. God, I want to know you.

“You are the God who knows and loves me. The God of David, The Rock of Ages. You are the King who dwells above me, The King of Zion, The Might Lion.


“You shall not make for yourself any idol, or any manifestation of what is in heaven above … as an object to worship.” Exodus 20:4 AMP

I’ve been a romantic long enough to know that romance is hollow. It is a real and tangible object, but it, like every other earthly offering, is too weak to lean on.

Romance can certainly be physical intimacy with another person, though physical intimacy can exist without romance. Even still, romance cannot be without connection. For too long I’ve romanticized every relationship in my life except for the one I have with God.

I’ve connected freely and openly, without reproach, holding back nothing, with romantic interests, friends, even customers; I have, however, somehow neglected the deep connections with God and family.

I… idolized friends, not because I thought they were impressive, or beautiful, or spiritual, but because they bothered even to look me in the eye. I idolized any connection I had. I’ve idolized relationships every step of my life.

It’s been about a year since I invited God to start working on this in me. I ended a romantic relationship with the revelation that I was simply being let down and not receiving the best that God has for me – again. I’ve done little to take my relationship with God and search out its mysteries. I’ve done nothing to find God in the remote places, and instead have looked to other people to fulfill my loneliness. Only when I’ve received this romance from others have I looked to God – no more; bloody no more.

Who do I obey, and which desires do I give my will over to? This question brings us back to the topic of worship. To worship something is to serve it and to mind it. Above everything in my life I minded my relationships with others as the answer to my problems. I did nothing to serve God, myself, or my family. I  served only the purpose of creating connections to satisfy my self-hatred and stress born from my lack of applied faith.

“Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen… Without faith it is impossible to please God… Whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.”

Love, Frederik

Baptism Pt 1.- Not All You’ve Been Told

I’ve heard that the word “baptize” means “covered with water,” and that you cannot go to heaven if you have not been physically immersed into a body of water. We’ve heard the word “baptize” all of our lives and immediately associate it with water. However, “baptize” does not mean “immersed in water,” it simply means “immersed.”

Jesus said those who believe, and are baptized will be saved, but he did not say those who are baptized in water. In Acts 1 and again in 11, the Lord says “John baptized with water, but you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit.” There’s a difference, and it must be made clear. If there was not a difference, and if “baptize” means “immerse in water,” Jesus would not have needed to say “baptized with water.” Thinking that this physical water baptism is a box you need to check in order to receive salvation is a dangerous deception. I make a bold claim in saying that it is a dangerous deception, but I am finding out how this ritualistic water baptism may take the place of a more meaningful, long-lasting experience.

In John 20:22, Jesus says, after his resurrection, “receive the Holy Spirit.” Later, in Acts 1:8, Jesus says “The Holy Spirit will come upon you.” In John, we are actively accepting the Holy Spirit.  Further, in Acts Jesus declares “you will receive power, when the Holy spirit has come upon you.” Jesus very clearly revels the timeline of this action of the Holy Spirit. Whereas, in John, he says “(you) receive the Holy Spirit,” not in future tense. This all becomes very confusing, especially to me, but allow me to summarize the points from the perspective of what Jesus says concerning the Holy Spirit.

First, Jesus says in John to his disciples to receive the Holy Spirit which I believe is the born again experience which was not available until Jesus died on the cross and was resurrected. Likely, neither can this be the Holy Spirit (or advocate) that Jesus spoke of in John 16, because Jesus is still on the Earth, and remains for some time, into Acts.Then, in Acts 1:8, Jesus tells his disciples that the Holy Spirit will come upon them, in future tense, meaning it has not happened yet. If in these two instances Jesus is speaking of the same interaction with the Holy Spirit, then he is contradicting himself. We know this cannot be the case.

You must make it known to yourself, that there is more to the idea of baptism beyond that with water. Read Acts 1:5 and ask God what that means for you. I know for myself how important the baptism of the Holy Spirit has been in my life. And while I have been baptized in water, that experience has not changed my life in the way that the immersion in the Holy Spirit has.

I will continue to explore what this Holy Spirit baptism means, in the mean time, consider it for yourself with purpose.


Desire-Jesus is Lord

No person can ever fulfill my heart’s desires. Never.

I aspire to do great things and be a great person. I aspire to see the twinkle in my baby daughter’s eyes, feel the warmth of my loving wife’s arms, and gather all of this world’s treasures. But none of those things will ever fulfill my deepest heart’s desires to connect with something that will never let me down.

I know these things now after several monumental failures, wherein I make connections which grow deeper with each interaction but lack discipline. Girlfriends, role models, teachers, friends, co-workers, and peers have all been recipients of my “all-in” relationship status. In the past, I’ve worked harder for the maintenance of these relationships than I ever have for myself, and while selflessness is desirable, neglecting my own health and running from discipline are what, in the end, caused me to fail in my commitments to connection. I failed again and again, and I will always find a way to fail, because that’s all I can do as a human. Failure, when it comes to commitments involving other people, are harmful to the connections made– the deeper the connection, the more harm caused.

But what is failure, when my heart’s desire cannot be measured by the standard measurements? The fulfillment of my heart’s desire to know God does not depend on anyone or anything around me. It all depends on what is within me… Without the connection I have with God every moment of my life is a failure. These moments bring no satisfaction and render no joy. They pass without notice whether “good” or “bad.” I care not, in a long-term sense, what happens to me, or what I can accomplish. My aspirations, when unrelated to God, do me no good. Realizing all of these things, I knew I had to seek God out and make commitments TO HIM in a way I’ve never done before.

I had what I’ve dubbed my “rich young ruler” moment. I came to Jesus, and asked Him, “What must I do to be saved?” (for me, it was not salvation from hell I sought, but salvation from specific certain oppressions). He told me, very distinctly, I have to give up all earthly connections, and learn to follow Him above all else- the very definition of Lordship.

Jesus is my Lord, and through Him I know the Father. There is no other way. The desire to know God deeper and deeper each day has been realized, and it is the greatest desire in my heart – bar none.

I challenge you, ask yourself-nay- ask God, “what is my greatest desire?” and “is that desire in line with Your will for me?”

John 14:19,21 – He who has my commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. and he who loves Me… I will love him and manifest myself to him.”

Don’t just desire God, do something about it. Chase Him. Love Him. Obey Him. Unspeakable bliss and intimacy await those who do.


Listen to me replay the broken record which declares that Christianity is not a religion…


I do not, by necessity, need anything from anyone to fulfill my relationship with God– this simple fact is the main thing about my “christian” life that seems to differ from what other people report to have experienced.

My “religion” takes new forms day to day, not because God changes (He doesn’t) but because I change and the world around me changes. He leads me to do different things at different times because that’s either what I need or what someone around me needs. Lately it’s been a lot about what He needs from me so that I can be effective for Him to those around me.

He needs me to get my act together, eat right, exercise; be disciplined in my studies, my finances, my writing, my relationships with others and so on, not to fulfill a requirement but to fulfill a purpose. A purpose that I am fully agreeable to, but at present am certainly unprepared for, and I am unprepared because I have yet to allow God to prepare me for it.

If I were to need something from the world around me, from society, from the government, even my parents, friends or other loved ones, it would ruin the most beautiful aspect of my relationship with God– it is personal. Completely and absolutely between He and I. Whatever purpose He imparts to me within this relationship, I want to be ready for it.

The Journey of Hope

Romans 5.

7:36 a.m.

Sleep: none

“Have hope,” they said. “It’s all you can do,” they said.

True, true… well, actually no it’s not true, but that’s beside the point.

Hope is very similar to faith, only hope objectifies promises and experiences which are of God independent of us; faith, as you may recall, calls what is not as though it is into existence within us and around us (Hebrews 11).Hope is how I survive and when I come upon it as is laid out by the Bible, it does not– cannot –disappoint. It is the culmination of tribulation leading to perseverance, leading to proven character, resting finally, free from disappointment (Romans 5:3-4). This is why, when, last month, I hoped I had found my future wife, I was disappointed, and the year before that, the same, and before that, the same, and as far back as I can track some ten years to when I was twelve– the same.

I left those relationships much more than disappointed, but for the sake of clarity, I’ll leave it at “disappointed.” I had hoped for so much, knowing that God wants good things for me, but not knowing that I was pursuing those good things with a separate life in mind than the one I was pursuing God with. In other words, I was pursuing God’s perks, without pursuing God.  In Romans 5:1 Paul writes that we exult in the hope of the glory of God, and this road to hope which we are blessed with through tribulation is how we come to this exultation. In my life, I could not truly experience God’s glory without my willingness to cling to hope in God through my tribulations, and once I had just one glimpse of his glory, my whole world and life was changed, I now seek it at every turn, and I long day and night to experience his glory without end.

So, what is God’s glory? One definition given by Strong is splendor or brightness — both things you must “see.” You can’t see the light of a bulb if you’re not in its presence, can you? In the same way, I have become desperate for God’s glory. I have spent too much time, with little success thinking of how much I need God. This need for Him is apparent to me, and while I make no attempt to belittle my need for Him, I, above this need for Him, have come to want Him. I need Him, undoubtedly, but more so, I need to want him.

I choose to hope in Him, in his glory, in his promises. Throughout everything that comes against me (even as seemingly insignificant as when my roommate eats all my planned meal for a day without inquiry), I hope in his promises as specifically as I possibly can. In the case of my roommates appetite, I remember his promise, first about the bread of life and its permanent fulfillment, but then about the sparrow whom He clothes and feeds. Above all, and all the time, I hope in knowing, being deeply acquainted and intimate with God– I do not want to know of God, for I have known of God my entire life– I want to experience his physical presence, always.